The Pseudo Self
How a Cult Identity is Created in Multi-Level Marketing
On May 2-3. 2024, I will be one of the speakers in Washington D.C. at “Multilevel Marketing: The Consumer Protection Challenge.” This free online conference brings together expertise from regulators, prosecutors, former MLM distributors, social media consumer advocates, researchers, educators, and journalists to discuss ways to improve consumer protection and reduce consumer harm within the multi-level marketing (MLM) industry. Stay informed and register for free at www.mlmconference.com
“Man can no more survive psychologically in a psychological milieu that does not respond empathetically to him, than he can survive physically in an atmosphere that contains no oxygen.” - Heinz Kohut
Image: Shutterstock by Cristina Conti
I was asked to speak on the pseudo-self while, by chance, I was writing an essay on Self-psychology and the theories of Heinz Kohut. This quote clarifies for me the root of my depression two years before formally resigning from The Company in May of 2023. Spending so many years engaged and focused primarily in transactional relationships can leave someone a little breathless. When you spend the majority of your time with people who profit from you, and you are conditioned to invest your time in the people that you hope to profit from, you become emotionally malnourished without even realizing it… because you are told that you are a family. And when you believe with every fibre of your being that you have the magic fix to remedy every ailment, from curing cancer to preventing Covid, and you are made to feel like an insider who knows what “they” don’t want you to know—this erodes your ability for genuine connection with people who are not your customers or “team.” This looks like divulging family members’ health struggles to an upline, pitching products at Christmas dinner, sending follow-ups on Boxing Day and running back to your upline to express your feelings of rejection.
When I signed up to be a representative for a multi-level marketing company, I was 33 and a new mom. Like most first-time mothers, I felt isolated. There is so much that no one tells you. The media called “The Mommy Wars” in 2012 as high emotions made it divisive if you decided to parent differently than what was considered traditional at the time. I was intensely conflicted about whether I should go back to a salaried management position in Human Resources at the fitness club chain I worked for or figure out a way to stay home with my son. I will save the rest of this chapter for my memoir, but what is important to know is that I was in an emotionally and financially vulnerable situation. At the same time, I feel it is important to acknowledge my privilege as a Canadian, white, cis-gendered, married woman who had access to an 18-month maternity leave, decent credit, and a husband who could mostly support us. This is the part that no one tells you when you start in an MLM… I will come back to this part of the game later.
I was recruited into a Wellness MLM through my affiliation with a coaching program that bore the likeness of a famous pediatrician. I was an easy sell. After rising up the ranks and many years doing exactly as I was told, I am here. A 45-year-old mature student studying Psychotherapy and advocating for commercial cult recovery. I come out of my experience in MLM grateful for the education, but not in the way I had envisioned when I took the leap 12 years ago.
The Pseudo-Self Defined
Our personality comprises perceptions, tastes, style, beliefs, attitudes, thinking, emotions, and behaviours. According to self-psychologist Heinz Kohut, our sense of ourselves is born from how those closest to us engage with us. When involved in an all-consuming group, these interactions, rituals, and reinforcements shift your sense of self.
The pseudo-personality doesn’t obliterate our real personality; it merely subdues and overpowers it. Beneath the new veneer that is created, our soul wants to be expressed. My experience was that the length of time spent with aspects cut off or disavowed contributed to the strong emotions evoked once I left, my demand for authentic self-expression, and my saying everything I was told to hide, polish, or finesse to suit The Company’s narrative.
Me as “Smoothie Queen” in June 2020. I still love to make smoothies but without an orthorexic obsession with appearance.
Stages of Change
Whether they realize it or not, group leaders in multi-level marketing are part of a system that systematically attacks the central self, tearing apart the recruit’s inner balance and perception of reality. The goal in recruitment and assimilation to the group is to change members so that they will adapt, believe and behave in a certain way that best serves the group's goals. But none of this happens overnight, or even to everyone involved, though I will argue that damage is done to everyone universally who gets involved. Creating a pseudo-self is a process, and not everyone experiences the depth of change in identity I did.
In 1947, Kurt Lewin outlined a change model consisting of three stages: unfreezing, changing, and refreezing. In 1961, Edgar Schein published “Coercive Persuasion,” which expanded on and adapted Lewin’s model, providing insights into the particular tactics employed by authoritarian cults to instill new identities in individuals. It is easy to see how multi-level marketing uses these stages of change in the recruitment and treatment of their members.
Unfreezing
The first phase aims to disorient the new recruit psychologically and get the person to attend an event. The ideal situation is getting them to a multi-day LGAT (Large Group Awareness Training), but a smaller lecture, Zoom, or even a three-way call will suffice to make an impact. During this experience, recruiters use the art of story-telling and metaphors and start to work to redefine the person’s past and cast a vision for the future.
Changing the person’s diet (starting a cleanse or eliminating food groups) and getting them to commit to new habits (like a multi-step supplement or skincare regimen) succeeds in allocating a significant amount of the prospects’ thoughts and attention towards the group and products and adds to the unfreezing effect.
Changing
The material from which the new identity will ideally be comprised is delivered slowly and gradually. Leaders tell trainers to “light their way one step at a time,” or like in the Moonies, where they justified withholding information by saying, “You wouldn’t feed steak to a baby chick!”
Scripts and new vernacular are taught through trainings and multi-media messaging (videos, audio clips and regular meetings). Thought-stopping cliches are used to keep members thinking in circles. Constant connection with other group members is encouraged, and an echo chamber is created to demonstrate ideal conduct. Members quickly learn not to ask tough questions but rather to reiterate the same key messages and to use specific scripting.
Re-freezing
If and when a member makes it to the Re-freezing stage, they emerge as a new man with a new purpose. This makes it difficult for friends and family to know there is a problem because the recruit seems genuinely happy. The truth, almost without exception, is that they are not an entrepreneur with an important mission, but rather, they are losing money and being strung along in a product-based pyramid scheme.
Persuading others to adopt the same beliefs solidifies one's convictions more quickly, which is why recruitment is a critical part of the plan. Not only does it add more money to line the pockets of those at the top—making new members convince others to join them quickly crystallizes their new identity.
Finally, regular team meetings and events scheduled consistently throughout the year ensure commitment. Commercial cult members call this “staying plugged in,” as they experience the impact of these events viscerally yet do not understand it a form of indoctrination.
Image from Shutterstock by EvgeniiAnd
Humans are social animals, and as Self Psychology states, the creation of the self is born out of our interactions with others. Multi-level marketing is a design that fosters enmeshment, starting with the love-bombing in recruitment. Part of the disorienting beginning stage is where the person who has set their sights on you, tells you that their mentor would “love to meet you.” You are listened to intently, told that you are special, and then put on the spot to ask if you will take the next step (the event). Soon, you will meet a group of smiling faces who seem enthusiastic about having you “on the team.” In retrospect, as I detail the process, I can see how much it looks like grooming (because it is). However, recruits are trained to believe that the ends justify the means in their all-important mission. The Halo Effect of Celebrity Influence, the inherent trust you have for your neighbour, friend or relative, or a parasocial relationship with that perfect “whole foods mama” on Instagram all have the potential to be leveraged. These idealized and/or wholesome people, unbeknownst to their recruit, are instructed to target in a calculated fashion, “dripping on them” until the moment is right to get them to an event. They also promise to hold your hand and set you up for success. Following through on their word, they give you step-by-step assignments that they say will transform your business and your life. For example, your first week could look like completing a “Find Your Why” worksheet, making a list of people you want on your team, filling your calendar with events, and making a vision board.
The Importance of Rank-and-File Members
There are a few signs that indicate a pseudo-self has begun running your life, including dependence on the group, suppression of doubts, conformity (duplication) and excessive investments of time and money into the organization—but it does not happen to everyone to the same extent. Not everyone goes “all in.” In fact, these groups could not function profitably if everyone were in the inner circle, they need most people to function as rank-and-file members. They are connected and attached to the group, but not enough to devote all their time or subjugate their entire personality. Just enough to perform two important functions: keep spending money, and keep up the illusion of credibility. Not realizing they are perpetuating a harmful system and not seeing how they speak from both sides of their mouth, these members believe that they deserve the pittances they are paid because they haven’t gone “all in,” yet they justify their continued involvement as flying monkeys for the group, claiming that because they don’t do the shady stuff, it’s a you problem (victim blaming).
The most common argument used to defend these destructive groups is that “we’re all consenting adults.” This was actually the main defence Keith Raniere’s lawyers used to defend him in the NXIVM trial. The reality of coercive control is much more nuanced. Firstly, why all of these groups rely on a hierarchical structure because charismatic authority makes humans behave differently than they do when critical thinking is supported and encouraged. Multi-level marketing is set up in a Kraken design, where multiple charismatic authorities are like tentacles doled out to members based on the individual or the particular situation. If Sally begins questioning the manufacturing practices, a high-ranking leader from the manufacturing department will be booked to dispense word salad for 20 minutes and quell her cognitive dissonance. If Joey is considering stepping back from his business, a high-ranking leader with a religious or spiritual vibe will be booked to share her story of how she once felt the same way but found that staying with the group enabled her to _____(fulfil the members “why” so that the conversation feels serendipitous or God-led). An all-powerful narrative is created and reinforced through repetition; behaviour is regulated through various manipulative means, and, of course, it all appears to be done with great enthusiasm because peak attitude is one of the trained traits.
Photo from Shutterstock by Black Salmon
My words of caution to those who believe that the periphery is a pious place to live and benefit from the connections to the celebrities or Influencers they’ve grown attached to—
You never know who you could rope in from one social media post or one event you share your manipulative story at. You never know who could end up playing in the hand of the company with complete obedience. It is unethical to promise life-changing transformation without any oversight by unbiased mental health professionals. No screening is done to determine if people are unstable or at fragile point in their lives, in fact, quite the opposite, the most vulnerable people are preyed upon with the most fervour. Know that the induction of members is deliberately destabilizing (I shared a disturbing example of a mental break I witnessed in my interview on Life After MLM).
Recovery
The entire purpose of my online presence is to validate the need for recovery from these types of groups and eradicate the shame and self-blame associated with them. Hopefully, I can even support the recovery of individuals financially and emotionally devasted by their involvement in these groups. No journey is the same. The only thing I know for sure at this point in my own recovery is that it takes time—much more time than I am used to—and that connecting with your pre-cult self is possible through socialization with those who knew you before, and ample self-care. I talked to Julie Anderson about my journey back to self in this video. I hope it helps.
If you would like to have your voice heard, send us a short video stating one of the promises that you were made when you were recruited into an MLM, and what you lost as a result of your involvement. A video montage of impact statements will be shared at the MLM Conference. Submit your video here: https://bit.ly/promise-loss