Down the Rabbit Hole
My Journey Through MLM Conspirituality
My decade-long journey into the MLM world began with the promise of personal growth, financial freedom, and a sense of belonging within a supportive community. The decision to join also seemed to carry an added benefit of legitimizing my secret fringe views born out of a distrust for Western medicine. Multi-level Marketing didn't turn me into a conspiracy theorist; I was already deeply entrenched in that world. A series of negative experiences—feeling disregarded, pressured, gaslit, and bullied within the medical field, experiences including a disempowering birth and later, mom-shaming from my pediatrician for not successfully sleep training my baby—had driven me into the warm and welcoming embrace of the Wellness Industry.
Image credit: Shutterstock by Mariia Korneeva
I received the alluring invitation to closely affiliate with a famous doctor and parenting icon patriarch renowned for his open-minded stance on vaccines and advocacy for co-sleeping. I would later describe how it all felt serendipitous as I ventured deeper into this exclusive community while the lines between reality and illusion blurred as it it did for Alice as she encountered Wonderland. I know I am not alone—"conspirituality,” a worldview based on the belief that a secret group controls the world while humanity undergoes a paradigm shift in consciousness (a classic good versus evil narrative lacking nuance), attracts many who feel isolated and misunderstood in their unconventional views. It’s a space where our intentions and desires feel 'natural,' and our rejection of a political and social order that seems determined to keep us free-thinkers under control feels heroic—yet stigmatized and mocked. So when that figurehead or community leader nods in our direction, telling us we aren’t wrong and that 'they' want to keep us sick and tired, we finally feel our intuition vindicated. This makes us ripe for adopting even more conspiratorial views, with the more extreme and reason-defying beliefs binding us more strigently to our newfound leaders. In every cult, manipulation is carried out by those who see dollar signs attached to their followers’ unconventional convictions. Weaponizing conspirituality works so well that it’s baked into the indoctrination process, where both conspiracies and spiritual mysticism are woven into the most innocuous-looking health lectures.
Cults Weaponize Conspiracies to Create Dependence
Which brings me to where I found myself when I met Marni in real life in that shitty conference room in Buffalo where I would meet our MLM version of the Cheshire Cat, charismatically speaking with conviction, weaving intricate narratives that resonated, intrigued and confused me. The speaker’s words were a mixture of truth and illusion, making it really difficult to discern reality from fiction. I was first introduced to Marni when I was sent a promotional video that The Company used for recruiting nurses. The YouTube video was dual purpose, because it could also be used to legitimize their supplements as something medical professionals who care would passionately endorse. The 2012 video, which masks as a tribute to nursing, eventually cuts to Marni, wearing scrubs, saying, “There’s a lot of heartache in nursing. There’s a lot of tragedy in nursing. And usually the people who can deal with that, do.” In Part 2 of the video, which transitions to the panel of nurses discussing why they recommend The Company’s supplements, Marni chimes in on a part about the research. She says, “This is real life research, with real families, all over the world.” The “research” she refers to is the Children’s Health Study.
I have already written about “the science,” but to summarize, all of the studies that The Company touts have generated conflicting and controversial results, with some studies showing minor changes in laboratory values, but lacking any meaningful changes in health outcomes. Many of the studies cited by The Company are small, pilot studies or funded by the manufacturer, which introduce bias. The Children’s Health Study relies on self-reported data from participants already using the products, which can lead to positive responses due to placebo effects or a social desirability bias. The study also offers free products to children if an adult family member also takes the product, incentivizing participants to provide favourable responses to continue receiving the free products. Some say that the Children's Health Study is more of a marketing tool than a genuine scientific study, as it promotes their products by highlighting positive outcomes reported by participants (not representative of the general population).
In 2012, as I watched the Nurses video, I did not critically think about the claims being made. Trust is, after all, a deeply ingrained aspect of human nature supported by evolutionary, developmental, and social evidence and neuroscience. So, when an event in a crappy convention centre in Buffalo, New York featured Nurse Marni, my heart and my mind were wide open and excited for my guests to glean wisdom from her. My primitive brain saw Marni as part of my tribe.
“My children were 3, 5 and 6 when [The Company] found me. It was two weeks after 9/11 and I really wasn’t feeling very safe. So I said, get that to me now please, I want to get my whole family on it. Here’s what was going on: my husband had candida, I had a dip in my energy level every afternoon around 2:00, I wasn’t sleeping well, I had this ten pounds of baby weight, and my kids had Leaky Gut. They had frequent ear infections, frequent colds, flus, my son was on an asthma inhaler every time a cold would come through the house. My middle guy had eczema, everybody had ear infections, stomach aches… we were just ‘leaky’ from processed foods and genetically modified foods, and vaccine toxins—yes people, I’m going there! So I went on the [supplements] right away and put my family on it immediately, and what happened after four months, my baby weight dropped ten pounds, I had consistent high energy all day long, my husband’s candida went into normal range, and the kids completely transformed. No more colds and flus, no more ear infections, eczema gone, asthma inhaler in the trash, stomach aches—gone, they became healthy. We all became healthy. Our health snowball started rolling in the right direction with better food choices, and craving more fruits and vegetables and drinking more water. I am so grateful to The Company for transforming my family’s health and I will always secure my health seatbelt by taking it and recommending it to others.”
“She passes the vibe check—I like her,” my best friend remarked. She had also been taking the products, but I was told that it was important to invite current customers to events to keep them excited about our community. Marni was certainly charismatic; she spoke like a radio DJ, she was funny, and she had the credentials of a mother and nurse—who would question her? Certainly not me. She hit all the marks as far as I was concerned. Meanwhile, my family would have no idea that the little natural health “business” I was posting about all the time on social media was actually an anti-vax conspiracy group that was siphoning a significant portion of my husband’s hard-earned money for years.
And then Covid happened. As Emily Lynn Paulson wrote in “Hey Hun: Sales, Sisterhood, Supremecy, and the Other Lies Behind Multilevel Marketing, “by early 2020 “faux wellness experts were out in full force ready to exploit a pandemic… the misinformation machine was in full effect” stating that becoming a Partner would create a stream of stable income in times of uncertainty, and that essential oils, supplements and vibrating at a high frequency would somehow repel Coronavirus.
Marni, our favourite nurse in The Company even started a private Facebook group called, “Lucky 7 High Vibin Habits” to rally inner circle reps around the very specific conspiratorial beliefs as fear was at its peak as a collective.
What promised to be a place for us to keep our hope alive, quickly devolved to an all too familiar pattern: fear induction, us-versus-them, and doubling down on the idea that we need to insularly rise up against the powers that be… evidently by praying, recruiting, posting memes and tripling up on our supplements.
I noticed that the memes posted in Lucky 7 High Vibin Habits were consistent during the pandemic with a specific cluster of conspiracy theories gaining traction. In addition to notions of a “Plandemic” created by Bill Gates, vaccine conspiracies that included microchipping and a host of issues including spontaneous death, QAnon, and 5G paranoia, the worldview also included an anti-trans rhetoric which felt out of place amongst the rest of the ideological package.
At the time, I didn’t realize that all of these conspiracies are born of a rejection of progressive social changes. Therefore proponents tend to hold socially conservative views, valuing traditional ideals which supposedly include a vehement rejection of transgender rights. In the uncertainty of 2020 where the entire fabric of our existence was shaken, these conspiracy theories thrived in the chaos, fueled by misinformation and distrust in authorities during a time when missteps were frequent and no one seemed sure we were doing it right.
After three exhausting years of hustling, my experience started to mirror the tests Alice faced that had burned out and was beginning to question her resolve and reality. As I started to side-eye the beliefs and practices that once seemed so alluring, by the close of 2023, I found the more I read, the deeper I delved, and the more I realized that the promises of wealth and enlightenment were often built on shaky foundations.
Success Leaves Clues
During my ever-evolving idea that MLMs deliberately induce disassociation, denial and narcissistic grandiosity, I decided to do a little “where are they now?” internet sleuthing about the tippy top leaders I watched on stage with awe and admiration.
I uncovered some eye-opening and unsettling results:
Luke Wren, the husband in a power couple I admired, was arrested for the most heinous crimes imaginable (with a case ongoing in Sarasota, FL), yet is currently living it up with a new wife who is tippy top at Herbalife. Watch with caution.
Lacey Bahns is a current BossBabe at Kangen, bragging about charging $1,000/hour per “consultation” (profiting off downline) and spouting misinformation like it’s her job (which, I guess, it kind of is…).
One former NMD is now a trad-wife influencer with 60K followers who says things like, “people who fornicate and use contraception are degenerates,” quoting herself atop a photo of her in a floor-length dress and a baby on her hip doing all the cooking, cleaning, and farming on her gorgeous homesteading property.
Several are still in the cult but most promote sketchy life coaching programs that exploit the fact that most fail in MLM. They exploit the fact that after years of constant struggle where they’ve painted themselves as living a “freedom lifestyle,” most of us are trained to blame ourselves for “limitations” and pay even more money we don’t have, to try to unlock some intangible force within. One such program promoted in The Company actually implants memories of past child abuse to excuse your lack of success. Their website promises to: “UNLEASH HUMAN CAPITAL FOR 8-FIGURE SUCCESS.” Another program aims to convert the buyer to evangelical Christianity for the low price of $99 USD. Another program rips off every idea from Tony Robbins, Louise Hay, and Abraham Hicks, slapping her cursive signature on all their overdone clichés, as if she invented spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity.
What all of these leaders have in common is their political leaning to the right, as does one of my best friends. While my bestie and I have come to agree to disagree about Trump, I do resonate with having an affinity for and trust in Robert F. Kennedy Jr. I have always had a propensity for “traditional values,” letting food be thy medicine, and the romantic idea of “medical freedom,” to the point that I wonder if I might be an anarchist.
But here’s what changed that.
I will preface this next part by sharing that I once heard that changing your mind about something activates the same area of your brain associated with pain. This means that it hurts to change your mind, which is probably why that Mark Twain quote is used so often…
“It is easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled”
Three years out of The Company, on one hand I felt like I had more balanced information to move forward with making responsible, evidence-based choices for my family. On the other hand, the fear that had been built up over a decade wouldn't be so easily wiped away. It had taken many years of disinformation to get to where I was. And so, like the selfish individualist that is a product of this capitalist culture, it had to hit me where it hurt for me to take action counter to my previously held beliefs.
Pertussis, also known as whooping cough, is a highly contagious infection of the lungs and airways. It is caused by the bacterium Bordetella pertussis. It can spread easily from person to person through respiratory droplets when an infected individual coughs or sneezes. The hallmark symptom of pertussis is severe coughing fits punctuated by alarming gasps for breath that make the sound whooping cough is named after. These fits can be so intense that they lead to choking or vomiting. When one of my kids first started coughing, his brother had already been coughing for weeks. Just a few weeks prior we had all gotten strep throat, so the doctor at the walk-in clinic down the street prescribed them both antibiotics for strep—the wrong type for pertussis. The cough was much worse for my younger son, but the doctor listened to his lungs which sounded clear upon examination. To access medical care while circumventing vaccine requirements, I would see a Naturopath for regular health maintenance. I was spending hundreds of dollars a month on an intense protocol mix of homeopathic and naturopathic medicine even after I stopped buying MLM supplements. Additionally, I paid $30 a month for an app that grants 24-hour access to an RN, and for acute situations, I would go to our local walk-in clinic. I was in constant contact with all my healthcare providers as I tried to sort out what was happening. His cough sounded like nothing I had ever heard before—more animal than human. After two weeks, his cough morphed into the classic whooping cough sound that garnered him an instant diagnosis. The week before, I saw the nurse’s face change when she asked on a video consult, and she asked if his shots were up to date. "No," I had answered. "Vaccination is crucial for preventing pertussis," she replied. "I really encourage you to please speak with your doctor if you have questions about vaccinating." she added.
The DTaP vaccine (diphtheria, tetanus, and acellular pertussis) is routinely administered to children as part of their immunization schedule. My older son had received this vaccine at his 2, 4, 6 and 12-month visits before we stopped vaccinating. He was patient zero in our home, and it was nothing but a mildly annoying cough for him. But my younger son got a severe case, and then I caught it as well. It is hard to describe the feeling of weeks and weeks of being woken up on the hour by your child having severe coughing fits. I had a whole station beside me on my bedside table: an old yogurt container to spit or barf into, a cloth for wiping his face, and a water bottle to drink after coughing. At the end of every fit, he would collapse in exhaustion and catch his breath, his heart pounding. This is only the second stage in the three stages of pertussis, an infection that, even with the correct antibiotic treatment that we received once properly diagnosed, can last months. It is nicknamed "The 100 Day Cough." Even though these coughing fits were terrifying for both of us, hospital treatment where they monitor oxygen is not given unless the patient shows "signs of distress," such as lips turning blue during coughing fits, rapid breathing, not drinking or eating and/or low energy. Day in, day out during the entire summer I treated my son at home and put life on hold, hoping to get to the other side of the infection. Once he was up for it and going a few hours between coughing fits, we got a family doctor. I confessed my fears to the doctor; fortunately, he was non-judgmental and kind. We made a plan to catch the boys up on their vaccines. I felt like a weight had been lifted.
Our experience with pertussis was far scarier than the febrile seizure and the day-long trip to the hospital that had started me on the anti-vax path. Because of the mockery involved (usually including a mention of Jenny McCarthy) I kept my views secret, feeling like my MLM community was the only place I could speak “my truth.” By downplaying infectious disease risks and promoting conspiracies around government plots to control, I was unknowingly existing in a state of fear and distrust. I did not know this could happen. The wellness space and fellow anti-vax mamas always assured me that because we followed their protocol of breastfeeding through the toddler years, homeschooling, taking our supplements, and eating a "real food diet," we would easily get through any illness with our robust, natural immune systems.
It was three years disconnected from The Company, having done my very best to understand how I became an extreme-right conspiracy theorist Christian due to the social contagion effect of my involvement with these people, that I was still grappling with my fear. I worked hard to question everything and seek balanced opinions and perspectives, no longer contained in the cage of conspirituality. What I learned made sense, and what I discovered about those whom I had followed, was shocking—such as the fact that two-thirds of all anti-vaccine content on social media is generated by "The Disinformation Dozen," all of whom are profit-motivated. Joseph Mercola is the head of a massive medical information and supplements kingdom. Ty and Charlene Bollinger are notorious for their "truth About Cancer" brand, which, at some point down the line, I had entered my email to gain access to a piece of content and began receiving emails every week filled with extreme fear-mongering references to "the Medical Mafia" knowingly killing us through vaccines. These emails would also tell stories of cancer survivors who “took their power back” despite attempts to "coerce" them into getting chemotherapy and radiation.
In "Conspirituality," the authors share stories of people like me who refuse treatment under the impression that, because of paying a pretty penny for master classes by people like them, or from Christiane Northrup or Joe Dispenza, they can cure their dis-ease through the power of thought, green juice and enemas. While their loved ones watched in horror, unable to reach them through the thick fog of indoctrination into conspirituality. I thoroughly understand the state of mind that they would be in, which is why I binge-watched “Apple Cider Vinegar” and made Deconstructing from Wellness the theme for our next support group meeting.
Because as a vulnerable new mom I did not know that Instagram Influencers profit from anti-vaccine misinformation.
I did not know, and never gave any thought to the fact that multilevel marketing is a billion dollar industry that spends more money on political giving and government lobbying than Goldman Sachs, Meta and Pfizer. What the actual fuck. Who's calling who "The Mafia?"
And Now We Have MAHA
“Following the money,” led me to see corruption on such blatant display that it seemed to mirror the very accusations made of Big Pharma (which I have never once stated isn’t also about profits over people. Both things can be true). As much as I’m for “whole food nutrition,” the MAHA movement reeks of power and profit to me, pandering to those who are already privileged, but it viscerally feels disingenuous to me. For example, the movement focuses on banning certain food additives and ultra-processed foods, however, in natural health, do we not look to address the root cause of an issue? And wouldn’t addressing the root causes of America's health crisis, involve a deep dive into economic inequality, food insecurity, and underfunded public health systems? Is it because there is more money and fame to be had through lawsuits versus accessibility measures? I discovered through ‘doing my own research’ that RFK Jr. is worth 15 million dollars, from a combination of income streams, including various salaries from law firms, oil and gas stocks, real estate developments, and finally, his “nonprofit.” The issue with this is that a disproportionate executive compensation, like the $516,000 that RFK Jr. draws, should raise questions about governance and oversight within the organization. “Following the money,” in The Children’s Health Defense suggests that his financial interests might precede his organization’s goals. Donors give to nonprofits like this, expecting their contributions to be used effectively for the cause. Wouldn’t his salary negatively impact the nonprofit’s ability to operate and fulfill its “mission?” This is $516,000 that is diverted from programs and services that could directly benefit the health of the communities he claims to care about.
My propensity to hyper-focus down rabbit holes led me to investigate RFK Jr. even further, and I learned about his former wife, Mary. And that made me more livid than the $516,000 portion of his multi-pronged salary. I mean, of course no one knows all the details of what went on behind their walls, but the verifiable facts I learned about—the therapist of Mary refusing to grant RFK Jr.’s request to deem her “crazy,” what he had said in his eulogy for Mary, how he had her body removed from the Kennedy family plot in the night—made my blood run cold. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg. These are the actions of a pathological narcissist in a long lineage of misogynists. How are we touting this man as a person who genuinely cares about mothers when he treated the mother to his children so abhorrently?! And why is no one talking about this?
Turning our attention away from RFK Jr. and back on to the issue he claims to care about—addressing public health concerns—in my opinion, after many years of adventure in and out of varying versions of reality, requires a nuanced, multifaceted approach that starts at the root. If we are to access the care that we deserve, we won’t find it within a pithy quote pasted on a Gene-Wilder-as-Willy Wonka meme, or impassioned protests against Red #40. I would like to see improvements in accurate education, improving mental health services, tackling healthcare inequities, ensuring continuity of chronic disease management, strengthening public health infrastructure, and empathetically promoting evidence-based health practices. Unfortunately, this is all likely too tall an order to remedy in our lifetime. Still, I am optimistic that we can begin rolling the rock up the hill through public awareness campaigns, policy reforms, and community engagement. It will have to be a collective effort to enhance overall public health outcomes for everybody.
This article is much longer than ideal for a Substack post, but there is a lot to hold. I still feel a long way off from complete clarity on where to strike a balance with utilizing “holistic” solutions. I have plans to see a friend this weekend—a nurse who swears by her adherence to “You Are the Placebo” by Joe Dispenza. Her journey has been different than mine, and I hold that with empathy. But for me, breaking free from the rigid trap set amongst enchanting yet deceptive narratives that I bought into, and the secret community that seemed to know “what they don’t want you to,” required a lot of humility, courage and self-reflection. My experience took twists and turns, which meant being called to unlearn a few constructs in order to rediscover my true values and beliefs and how they had been flipped on their heads by the weaponizing of my vulnerabilities through conspiracies. But emerging from a rabbit hole, I carried with me a newfound clarity and a commitment to critically evaluate the information presented to me—just as Alice's adventure in Wonderland changed her perspective, my experience transformed my own understanding of personal growth, trust, and what community care looks and feels like.
What seems to feel more urgent than banning food additives, is ensuring that all people have access to produce. People should be able to afford the food that can fuel them, and people should have access to medication and to vaccines that have helped eradicate diseases.
By examining the leaders of these commercial cults and the conspirituality movement, it becomes clear that success does indeed leave clues—unfortunately, often unsettling ones. The pursuit of power and profit can corrupt even the most seemingly holistic and well-intentioned movements. Conspiracy theories can and do get manipulated for profit just like major pharmaceutical companies are often accused of doing.
It’s the emoji choice for me.
Recommended books and podcasts:
Hey, Hun: Sales, Sisterhood, Supremacy, and the Other Lies Behind Multilevel Marketing by Emily Lynn Paulson
Conspirituality: How New Age Conspiracy Theories Became a Health Threat by Derek Beres, Matthew Remski, and Julian Walker
Doppelganger: A Trip into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein
How to Talk to a Science Denier: Conversations with Flat Earthers, Climate Deniers, and Others Who Defy Reason by Lee McIntyre
Maintenance Phase: COVID Conspiracies
Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed by Maureen Callahan
The intention behind this article is to share my personal opinion and experience for informational purposes, from my perspective, and not to malign any specific individual or business entity. Some of the names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.