Boss Babe No More!
Making Amends for my Ten-Year Tenure in a Commercial Cult
Photo credit: Tara Noelle Photography
I have always felt my purpose in life was to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Two years into the pandemic, I was at the top of my game in the network marketing wellness industry. I had been hustling off and on since my eldest (who is now almost 12 at the time of this writing) was an infant, and was finally making an actual living wage, paying our mortgage and bills, being able to start paying back the mountain of debt that accrued over the last decade, and giving my husband room to breathe and hope for our future. So, the timing could not have been worse for my consciousness to wake up. To realize I had been on the wrong track all that time. Or, maybe it was the best timing in the world–I guess that is yet to be determined!
Turning Pain into Purpose
We were always told to “turn pain into purpose,” which I see now as exploiting our traumas for the financial gain of other people above us. Today I endeavour to flip the notion on its head and take what I have learned to help others. I believe that everyone who enters into any high-control group or cult has had a need or vulnerability exploited to get them in there. And when anyone joins, at first, it feels really great. You meet lovely people who seem like-minded, people who inspire you, and people who give you hope that you were maybe meant for more than what you have accomplished so far. Maybe you can give your family a better life! The group you connect to feels like a serendipitous vehicle that has the potential to take you anywhere you want to go–as long you believe and are willing to do the work.
Like most people who enter these organizations, I am idealistic, a born optimist, and a hard worker with a “why that made me cry,” so I checked all the boxes.
Building Community (that is not transactional)
When your identity is closely tied to a fanatical group, it can be hard to relate to anyone outside of your culty echo chamber. The definition of “fanatical” is: filled with excessive and single-minded zeal. When I was attending a class with The Lalich Centre on Cults and Coercion, we discussed the concept of “the single story.” We workshopped each of the “single stories” we were told and that we proselytized while we were part of the group. Despite the fact that we all came from completely different cultic groups (from religious, to personal development, and even Doomsday cults), the single story was the same. The world was on a terrible decline, and we had the best community and the best tools to offer. If we didn’t carry this “truth” in the backs of our minds with every interaction, it was implied that we were selfish or scared.
I sought out freedom in joining but ended up trapped. Today, liberated to make connections with people without the expectation to record their details onto a prospect list feels like real freedom. It has been hard, though, for people to understand what I am going through, aside from other than online MLM whistle-blowers. Those on the inside want to silence me, as my truth presents an existential threat to their constructed reality. When I first left, there was a long period of starting over. I was Googling “MLM Recovery Group” and found that while many of us technically fall under the category of cult recovery, the flavour of the commercial cult that is multi-level marketing is unique. My hope with this space is that I can build a catalogue of resources and support that innoculates you from experiences like mine or, if you are getting out, makes you feel validated and less alone in your path.
My Plan
For now, I intend to keep this Substack free. I am still in school and still kind of in a mode of catharsis, so I think, honestly, I am still in the midst of the healing process. My content will be part cautionary tale, part recovery guide for anyone trying to leave an MLM or anyone in a stage of rebuilding their identity and life. For many years I was on brand as a Lady Boss entrepreneur, but the reality was that I was living in chaos and denial. Pressing “stop” on the capitalist, consumerist voice and leaning into the simple pleasures (forest therapy, bird-watching, becoming actually present with my kids) has been life-changing. I hope to inspire some new habits that strengthen your intuition and build your belief in yourself as inherently worthy.
This is YOUR Life
I poured my heart and soul into something I see now in a completely different light. I want to make amends, to say, “Hey! I was wrong!” and apologize. While I grapple with moral injury, I also work to hold self-compassion for myself as I did not know about the Playbook that every single one of these companies uses. I hadn’t known the MLM origin story (it’s wild, I’ll tell you sometime!). Learning the history of the industry and indoctrination tactics that had been applied to me under the guise of “coaching” — I can’t put into words how that made me feel to learn. I guess the worst part of it all is the lack of informed consent when you get involved in one of these companies. I had so much trust in the leaders above me, and I feel that the trust I created with people was leveraged to benefit those at the top.
All of this to say, my truth and my experience are just that. If my perspective doesn’t resonate, that is perfectly okay. This is your life to live, and the values you choose to uphold are unique to you. Freedom to make up your mind and freedom to, at any time, change your mind is really of the utmost importance.